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This week has been hit and miss for me with my time online (my RSS reader has reached scary numbers), but even with some sketchy reading time, I found some great stuff to share. I hope you enjoy them.
I always find something that challenges my thinking when I spend time at the Zen Habits blog. This week was no different. I talk with clients regularly about the fact that many of the things we experience in life are out of our control. This post about the illusion of control really nailed that concept.
At PsychCentral's Mindfulness & Psychotherapy blog, Elisha Goldstein does a consistently good job of reviewing mindfulness resources and providing thoughtful reflections. This post on "making peace with the enemies within" does a nice job of reminding us how vulnerable we our to our own negative or critical thoughts. Dr. Goldstein also provides some helpful re-framing suggestions.
One of my other favorite blogs at PsychCentral is Christy Matta's Dialectical Behavior Therapy Understood. Christy dives into many topics from a DBT perspective and provides some helpful insights. I have explored the challenges that many of us face in owning our own self-care, so I really appreciated this post exploring how to embrace assertive thinking.
Wildmind's Buddhist meditation blog is another regular in the MWB round-up's because they have such a diverse staff of contributing writers. This means they provide a lovely depth of perspective about the impact of Buddhist thought and meditation on many aspects of daily living. This post from Saddhamala is a thoughtful list of ten ways to slow down and live a better life.
And finally, because I can't resist good therapy-related resources, I have a piece from Julie at Beautiful You. If you haven't checked out Beautiful You yet, make this post your reason to stop by (and maybe check out the great resources she has there. This article is an invitation to make the most of your therapy relationship--with the most important takeaway being to listen to your instincts.
As always, I hope that this collection brings you something you need as you move through the week. If you have a great resource I missed (yes, including things that *you* wrote), please share it with all of us in the comments.
Showing posts with label questions about therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label questions about therapy. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
What Makes Therapy Different?
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My first encounter with new clients is often over the phone. I spend a lot of time in those initial conversations, because reaching out for support is scary for most people. It's hard to admit that they feel overwhelmed, worn down, exhausted. It's hard to admit that they need more support, that they are craving a space where they feel safe and heard.
It seems like that first call is particularly hard for people who feel like they have strong social support networks. They have loving families, close friends, good co-workers. And it can be hard to articulate why that isn't always enough for someone who is in pain. I frequently hear clients talk about not wanting to "wear out" or "burden' their friends and family. They express frustration about "repeating myself over and over."
In many of these conversations, I explain to prospective clients that therapy is different from close relationships in several key ways:
1. Therapists aren't emotionally engaged in the client's life. This doesn't mean that therapists don't care about their client's well-being. However, there is a critical difference between being a caring outsider and a part of someone's emotional network. As the outsider, I bring a new perspective to the client's experience.
2. Therapists are trained to be comfortable with pain. I know that might initially read as sadistic, but stay with me for a minute. Think about someone you love. Now, imagine that person in pain, crying, hurting. What is your reflexive response to that pain? If you're like most caring family members or friends, your response is to try to alleviate the pain, to minimize it, to make it better. Here's the problem. Some things can't be "made better." Some pain can't be talked away. Sometimes, the way to deal with pain is to experience it, to walk through it, to learn from it. Sometimes we just need to cry--maybe more than once. We need the opportunity to learn what lesson our pain is bringing with it. Because my clients aren't my loved ones, I can create the space for them to experience their pain, even if it seems to take longer than they want it to.
3. You're paying to be in therapy. This means two things. First, if you need to repeat yourself, you're not going to "wear me out" or "burden" me. Sometimes we all need repetition to help us process. Second, that means that your session, your therapy space are all about what you need. Do you need to cry? No problem, I buy my tissues by the case. Do you need to be challenged, to have things reframed? I can handle that. It's your time. For the duration of your appointment, your needs and your health are center stage. I don't take other calls during session. I don't check email or my Twitter feed. Therapy is an investment in your own value.
Do you have questions about the therapy process? Please feel free to contact me, or leave your question in the comments.
My first encounter with new clients is often over the phone. I spend a lot of time in those initial conversations, because reaching out for support is scary for most people. It's hard to admit that they feel overwhelmed, worn down, exhausted. It's hard to admit that they need more support, that they are craving a space where they feel safe and heard.
It seems like that first call is particularly hard for people who feel like they have strong social support networks. They have loving families, close friends, good co-workers. And it can be hard to articulate why that isn't always enough for someone who is in pain. I frequently hear clients talk about not wanting to "wear out" or "burden' their friends and family. They express frustration about "repeating myself over and over."
In many of these conversations, I explain to prospective clients that therapy is different from close relationships in several key ways:
1. Therapists aren't emotionally engaged in the client's life. This doesn't mean that therapists don't care about their client's well-being. However, there is a critical difference between being a caring outsider and a part of someone's emotional network. As the outsider, I bring a new perspective to the client's experience.
2. Therapists are trained to be comfortable with pain. I know that might initially read as sadistic, but stay with me for a minute. Think about someone you love. Now, imagine that person in pain, crying, hurting. What is your reflexive response to that pain? If you're like most caring family members or friends, your response is to try to alleviate the pain, to minimize it, to make it better. Here's the problem. Some things can't be "made better." Some pain can't be talked away. Sometimes, the way to deal with pain is to experience it, to walk through it, to learn from it. Sometimes we just need to cry--maybe more than once. We need the opportunity to learn what lesson our pain is bringing with it. Because my clients aren't my loved ones, I can create the space for them to experience their pain, even if it seems to take longer than they want it to.
3. You're paying to be in therapy. This means two things. First, if you need to repeat yourself, you're not going to "wear me out" or "burden" me. Sometimes we all need repetition to help us process. Second, that means that your session, your therapy space are all about what you need. Do you need to cry? No problem, I buy my tissues by the case. Do you need to be challenged, to have things reframed? I can handle that. It's your time. For the duration of your appointment, your needs and your health are center stage. I don't take other calls during session. I don't check email or my Twitter feed. Therapy is an investment in your own value.
Do you have questions about the therapy process? Please feel free to contact me, or leave your question in the comments.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Deep Cleaning
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So we're deep cleaning our house right now. Trying to make the closets into usable storage spaces instead of frightening doors to never open. Trying to let go of those things that are too big, too small, outgrown, or just not utilized enough. Trying to recover from the onslaught of new stuff that happens when you have generous relatives at this time of year. And I have noticed a few things about deep cleaning.
1. Deep cleaning makes a mess. In order to really know what we have and what we're getting rid of, we have to pull everything out, spread everything around, kick up the dust.
2. Deep cleaning is profoundly freeing. There is a small part of my soul that is just happier when I can easily open a closet, when a bookshelf isn't full to overflowing, when the toys have a designated home.
Deep Cleaning our Mental Closets
There are conversations going on all over the web right now about how depression is on the rise and the use of therapy is on the decline. There are many reasons given for this, including the time, energy, and effort that clients need to put forth in order for therapy to be beneficial.
That got me thinking. In many cases, good therapy is an invitation to do some deep cleaning of our internal lives. We pull out all of our outgrown coping strategies, dusty thought habits, and those untidy, painful emotions that we carefully buried under food, or work or Facebook or our personal denial mechanism of choice.
I don't know about you, but for me, deep cleaning of any variety is a team sport. If I'm on my own, I'm likely to just shut the closet door quickly--or distract myself from my emotional hurt. The team approach, the creation of a supportive, empathetic relationship is at the heart of therapy.
Are there any mental closets that you're afraid to open? Any stacks of emotional boxes waiting for an opportunity to bash you on the head? If so, I'm inviting you to reach out. Put together your "deep cleaning" team. Find a support group, connect on line, make the call that you've been putting off to investigate therapy. Share a comment below as a way to get it rolling!
So we're deep cleaning our house right now. Trying to make the closets into usable storage spaces instead of frightening doors to never open. Trying to let go of those things that are too big, too small, outgrown, or just not utilized enough. Trying to recover from the onslaught of new stuff that happens when you have generous relatives at this time of year. And I have noticed a few things about deep cleaning.
1. Deep cleaning makes a mess. In order to really know what we have and what we're getting rid of, we have to pull everything out, spread everything around, kick up the dust.
2. Deep cleaning is profoundly freeing. There is a small part of my soul that is just happier when I can easily open a closet, when a bookshelf isn't full to overflowing, when the toys have a designated home.
Deep Cleaning our Mental Closets
There are conversations going on all over the web right now about how depression is on the rise and the use of therapy is on the decline. There are many reasons given for this, including the time, energy, and effort that clients need to put forth in order for therapy to be beneficial.
That got me thinking. In many cases, good therapy is an invitation to do some deep cleaning of our internal lives. We pull out all of our outgrown coping strategies, dusty thought habits, and those untidy, painful emotions that we carefully buried under food, or work or Facebook or our personal denial mechanism of choice.
I don't know about you, but for me, deep cleaning of any variety is a team sport. If I'm on my own, I'm likely to just shut the closet door quickly--or distract myself from my emotional hurt. The team approach, the creation of a supportive, empathetic relationship is at the heart of therapy.
Are there any mental closets that you're afraid to open? Any stacks of emotional boxes waiting for an opportunity to bash you on the head? If so, I'm inviting you to reach out. Put together your "deep cleaning" team. Find a support group, connect on line, make the call that you've been putting off to investigate therapy. Share a comment below as a way to get it rolling!
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