tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29626139228733450482024-03-18T23:26:36.156-05:00Healthy Balanced LifeI specialize in helping those who are affected by serious or chronic illnesses (either as patients or caregivers) understand and improve the intersection of physical and emotional health.Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-87969143057024336442011-09-16T12:18:00.000-05:002011-09-16T12:18:13.289-05:00What Does our Anger Cover Up?<a class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte" href="http://twitter.com/share">Tweet</a><br />
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Anger is an interesting emotion. It seems like we struggle to have a
comfortable existence with our anger (and several other “tough”
feelings–but more about that in another post). I know some people who
will go to enormous lengths to avoid expressing or admitting to their
anger. If that’s you, you may find the content of this post a bit
foreign. I’m going to encourage you to stick around though, because I
think that you may find some things here that apply to you. Because
this post is about how some situations move us rapidly into anger. If
you think about it, I’m guessing that you can identify at least one
issue that can push your “anger button.” In fact, for some folks, anger
seems like their “go-to” emotion. When I am sitting with someone who
can’t seem to get past their feelings of anger, I often ask them to take
a step back and look a bit deeper. More <a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/2011/09/what-does-your-anger-cover-up/">here</a>. <script src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" type="text/javascript">
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Wonderful stuff this week...find it <a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/2011/09/mid-week-balance-14-september-2011/">here</a>. <script src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" type="text/javascript">
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A client (who gave me permission to use this piece of her story) was facing some changes at work. The company built a new central office building, and moved employees from several locations. As a part of the move, all the employees had to comply with new corporate regulations. All of the paraphernalia that had been collected by long term employees: company collectibles, desk decorations, etc., had to be pared down to five personal items. After more than a decade with the company, my client had a hard time with this rule. It felt as though she was having part of her identity taken away when she had to box up all of her desk decorations. Each of the items on her desk had a story, a history, memories associated with it. So, when my client talked about the move and the new rule, she expressed some sadness and some resentment. For the rest of the story, come on over <a href="http://here./">here.</a>Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-6085733294010097542011-09-02T17:03:00.003-05:002011-09-02T17:03:56.795-05:00The Conversations We Aren't Having: Part I--Health and End of Life<a class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte" href="http://twitter.com/share">Tweet</a><br />
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This post and the hashtag discussion at #EOLchat were inspired by
conversations generated in several Twitter chat communities (hat tip to
<a data-mce-href="http://healthsocmed.com/" href="http://healthsocmed.com/">#hcsm</a>, #<a data-mce-href="http://www.foxepractice.com/healthcare-hashtags/hpm/" href="http://www.foxepractice.com/healthcare-hashtags/hpm/">hpm</a>, & #<a data-mce-href="http://twitter.com/#%21/bcsmchat" href="http://twitter.com/#%21/bcsmchat">bcsm</a>) and by the incredible resource of the <a data-mce-href="http://www.nhdd.org/" href="http://www.nhdd.org/">National Healthcare Decisions Day</a>
(NHDD) initiative. These are communities that are dedicated to
increasing communication and education between health care providers,
and health care consumers. <br />
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One theme that I noticed is a sense that
there are certain conversations that feel very challenging.This
theme comes up a lot in therapy. Some of us aren't comfortable having
conversations where we reveal and explore our anger. Some of us avoid
talking about the things that make us feel helpless...<a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/2011/09/the-conversati%E2%80%A6e-arent-having/">more</a>. <script src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" type="text/javascript">
</script>Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-18442137587878341982011-09-02T17:00:00.003-05:002011-09-02T17:00:35.662-05:00Mid-Week Balance: 31 August 2011<a class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte" href="http://twitter.com/share">Tweet</a><br />
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I'm going for the smorgasboard approach to the round-up this week. All
kinds of tidbits from all kinds of writers. I end up torn--I like the
theme weeks because it's fun to have a total package. But I like the
mixed-up weeks because I think it gives me a chance to meet lots of
different needs. So, this week, I'm aiming for different needs.
Regardless, I hope that you find something that inspires you, supports
you, or helps you feel heard.<br />
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If you're curious, the great posts from this week are here. <script src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" type="text/javascript">
</script>Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-91381780332245117892011-09-02T16:59:00.000-05:002011-09-02T16:59:26.821-05:00Self-Care 101: Centering<a class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte" href="http://twitter.com/share">Tweet</a><br />
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When I was a kid, one of my favorite things to do was to be in the
kitchen with my mom. She’s an incredible baker, and seems to have an
instinct for how to make baked things come out perfectly. She
specializes in yeast doughs (cinnamon rolls, bread, pizza, etc). I
don’t know if you’ve baked with yeast before, but yeast doughs are their
own creature. <br />
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To read the rest of this post, come on over to the new blog, <a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/2011/08/self-care-101-centering/">right here</a>. <br />
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This week, we're exploring self-expression, boundaries, happiness and managing fear. Read more here<a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/2011/08/mid-week-balance-24-august-2011/">http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/2011/08/mid-week-balance-24-august-2011/</a>. <script src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" type="text/javascript">
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The post this week was one for the Self-Discovery, Word by Word series, with the inspiration of "Balance." <a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/2011/08/balance-self-compassion-practice/">Check it out here</a>. <script src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" type="text/javascript">
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I'm so grateful to those of you who are regular followers of the blog. You may have noticed that your twice-weekly updates have been interrupted the past month or so. That's because I have just launched a <a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/">new website</a>--one that integrates the blog with my practice information. I'm thrilled because it gives me a better-rounded "home" on the internet. So, for the most current posts, come on over and <a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/">visit the new site</a>. Feel free to subscribe by RSS or email, add some of your thoughtful voices to the conversation, and help me celebrate my <a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/">new home</a>. <br />
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I will still be linking new posts here to my writing over there--it just might happen in fits and starts! Thank you for your patience with this transition!<br />
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~Ann<br />
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Part of therapy is gaining the courage and support you need to make healthy changes, even when they feel scary. <a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/2011/08/the-high-wire-why-therapy-isnt-always-about-safe/">Read more here</a>!Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-49096304638497900402011-08-12T15:01:00.002-05:002011-08-12T15:01:39.517-05:00Mid Week Balance: 12 August 2011<a href="http://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br />
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Good stuff this week about productivity, self-care, loving your body, and changes in perspective.<br />
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<a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/2011/08/mid-week-ish-balance-12-august-2011/">Mid-Week Balance</a>Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-36214323818505802082011-08-01T18:20:00.002-05:002011-08-01T18:20:51.240-05:00Post from Friday 29 July 2011<a href="http://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br />
<a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/?p=93"><br />
When Social Support is Less Support and More Strain</a>Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-64941707550130157392011-07-15T15:08:00.000-05:002011-07-15T15:08:09.915-05:00Self-Care 101: Dr. Seuss on Dealing with Challenges<a href="http://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br />
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This Self-Care 101 post is available at the new site: <a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/?p=172">drannbeckerschutte.com</a> Hope to see you there!Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-27968659315435658212011-07-08T17:02:00.001-05:002011-07-08T18:06:06.977-05:00Resilience on the Back Porch: Surprising Lessons from Catnip<a class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte" href="http://twitter.com/share">Tweet</a><script src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" type="text/javascript">
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This post is over at the new website, which is still a work in progress. It makes sense to write the new stuff there, though, so here's the link:<br />
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<a href="http://www.drannbeckerschutte.com/?p=16">Resilience Post</a><br />
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I can't wait to hear what you think about it!Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-84886546442871339832011-07-06T18:39:00.001-05:002011-07-06T18:40:52.264-05:00Mid-Week Balance: 6 July 2011<a href="http://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br />
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I realized, as I went back through my starred post, I noticed a pattern. As I reviewed the posts, the dominant theme of giving yourself space emerged--giving yourself permission to be human, to have bad days, to grieve, to accept that sometimes we all need some grace. I hope you feel the permission when you need it.<br />
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Jen Gresham at <a href="http://everydaybright.com/">Everyday Bright</a> asks what happens when <a href="http://everydaybright.com/2011/07/when-wonder-woman-isnt-feeling-so-wonderful/">Wonder Woman doesn't feel so wonderful</a>. It's such a thoughtful reminder that we all have periods of struggle.<br />
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It's not unusual for us to try to hold back difficult feelings or deny their existence. Elisha Goldstein of the <a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/">Mindfulness & Psychotherapy</a> blog offers this thoughtful reflection on why <a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2011/07/why-feeling-grief-is-good-for-us/">feeling our grief</a> can be good for our health.<br />
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Mara of <a href="http://www.medicinalmarzipan.com/">Medicinal Marzipan</a> offers a compassionate, self-loving challenge to the idea that we must always be "<a href="http://www.medicinalmarzipan.com/2011/07/05/consistency-selflove/">consistent</a>." When we focus on each moment, we're freed from the effort to seek consistency.<br />
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I was absolutely floored with the concept that Melissa (Dr. Snit) of <a href="http://drsnitwithlupus.blogspot.com/">Living With Lupus--But Dying of Everything Else</a> explored in her latest post. She talked about serious illness as being a time when we are in a "<a href="http://drsnitwithlupus.blogspot.com/2011/07/state-of-grace.html">state of grace</a>." Read more to understand what this means to her (what it means to me might be a blog post of the future).<br />
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Okay, bear with me, this last one may see like a stretch at first. But actually, since we are talking about allowing ourselves to be real and imperfect, it's a pretty good fit. I was thrilled to see this piece at the Ms. Magazine <a href="http://msmagazine.com/blog/">blog</a> about how the AMA is taking a <a href="http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2011/07/05/warning-models-in-this-image-may-not-be-as-thin-as-they-appear/">stand against digital retouching of photographs</a>--which is all about hiding "imperfection."<br />
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I hope this brings some self-acceptance to your week. Got another great resource? Pass it along!Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-77056158039478371862011-07-01T15:47:00.000-05:002011-07-01T15:47:07.061-05:00Your Opinion of Me is None of My Business<a class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte" href="http://twitter.com/share">Tweet</a><br />
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"Your opinion of me is none of my business." --Randy Pausch, "The Last Lecture"<br />
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Wow! A commenter shared this quote as a response to Ragan Chastain's powerful post "<a href="http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2011/06/13/who-appoints-the-body-judges/">Who Appoints the Body Judges</a>?" If you haven't read the post, I recommend it. Both Ragan's post and Pausch's quote got me thinking. Because, really, if you sit with this quote, it is a pretty major reversal of how most of us think about the opinions of others. <br />
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It is not an unusual experience for me to be sitting with a client who feels profoundly affected by the opinions of others--and I know that their experiences aren't isolated. I think we have all felt touched by the opinions of others, both in good ways and in bad. These others might be family members who told you that you were "disappointing." The others might be classmates who bullied you in grade school, because you were smart, or tall, or fat, or any-one-of-a-million-ways-you-could-be-different. The others might be teachers or bosses who did not understand you, or provided you with harsh criticism. The others may be romantic partners who broke your heart, damaged your trust, or were abusive. The others may be total strangers who believe that they have the right to insert their opinion about you (your weight, sexual orientation, career choice, parenting choice, etc.) into your life. The others could be anyone for whom you choose to sacrifice some part of yourself--for a raise, for a relationship, for approval.<br />
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All of us have experienced hearing others' opinions about ourselves and our choices. In fact, it's not unusual for us to give more weight to the opinions of others than we do to our own opinions. Somewhere along the line we have gotten convinced that what others say about us is "objective," while our own experience gets labeled as "biased"--although I have noticed this seems to be more true for negative feedback than for positive. And so we act as though others' opinion of us <u>is</u> our business--in fact we treat it as the most important business!<br />
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Right about now, I can hear someone getting ready to argue with me about this. To tell me that we have to treat others' opinions as important because we don't live on isolated islands. Because making a good impression is how we move forward in the world. Because relationships matter--and so we have to care how and what others think of us.<br />
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So let me clarify. When I am talking about opinions, I am not talking about the moments in relationships where there is feedback about your behavior, or an expression of someone else's emotional experience. That is communication. It's critical to all of our relationships, and it doesn't always include universal harmony and agreement. In fact, as I've discussed in other <a href="http://healthybalancedlifekc.blogspot.com/2011/01/for-couples-when-conflict-is-healthy.html">posts</a>, communication can include some challenging moments. But opinions are a creature of their own, and they aren't always clearly identified.<br />
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Here's what dictionary.com has to say when I ask about "opinion:"<br />
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<b>o·pin·ion </b>[uh-<i>pin-yuh-n]</i><span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword"> </span></span></span><br />
<span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">–noun</span> </span></span><br />
<div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">1.</span></span></span><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword"> a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">belief</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">judgment</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">that</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">rests</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">on</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">grounds</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">insufficient</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">to</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">produce</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">complete</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">certainty.</span> </span></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">2.</span></span></span><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword"> a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">personal</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">view,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">attitude,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">appraisal.</span></span></div><div class="luna-Ent"></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">The problem that I see is that many of us ignore a few of the key adjectives up there. We treat others' opinions as though they do have "complete" certainty--and authority. We forget that the opinions of others are "personal," and treat them as though they are true for our own experience. </span></span></div><div class="luna-Ent"></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">What struck me when I read Pausch's quote is that this is something that is worth a lot more thought. Think about the last frustrating encounter you had with someone. How much of what was going on involved that person (or you) acting as though their opinion of you should be your business? How much was about treating t<i>heir</i> personal attitude as though it had complete certainty in <i>your</i> life? How would that encounter have felt if you could have held Pausch's quote in your mind? Would you have felt less judged? Carried the hurt or frustration for less time?</span></span></div><div class="luna-Ent"></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">Here's where the need for balance comes in. None of us has all the answers and we don't exist in isolation. We can benefit from having our own opinions questioned and challenged. The opinions of others may even provide good insight for us. But we need to see them for what they are--opinions and not facts. We need to remove the power, and remind ourselves that we are the only expert on our own experience. </span></span></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">So, I have a challenge for you. Some time in the next week, sit down with yourself and identify a place in your life where someone else's opinion has affected your choice, feeling, or behavior. Ask yourself what <b>your</b> thoughts, feelings and beliefs about that situation are. And then take action to try to bring your choices and behaviors in line with your own personal beliefs.</span></span></div><div class="luna-Ent"></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">I'll be paying attention to this too! </span> </span></div><br />
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Okay folks--this is a brand new frontier for me, but last week I agreed to be a guest on HealthyPlace Mental Health TV. The show is a web TV format, which means that I sat in my office and tried to figure out the best angle for my computer camera (yikes), and then answered questions about the connection between mental health and chronic illness. To learn more, check it out here:<br />
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<a href="http://www.healthyplace.com/tvshowblog/chronic-illness-and-mental-health-connection/">Chronic Illness and Mental Health Connection</a><br />
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If you have feedback for me, please let me know. If you have topics you'd love for the show to cover, be sure to follow their contact links! <br />
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</script>Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-6306900094948658252011-06-29T19:37:00.000-05:002011-06-29T19:37:37.646-05:00Mid-Week Balance: 29 June 2011<a class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte" href="http://twitter.com/share">Tweet</a><br />
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I have heard a rumor that summer is supposed to mean that things slow down. That's not happening here. In fact, my RSS reader this morning had over 400 unread items--I just haven't had the time to get through them all. I have, however, had time to find some fantastic stuff to share with you this week. The selections this week are a smorgasboard: from meditation, to secret-keeping, to body image, to challenging uni-dimensional thinking--with a dash of self-acceptance thrown in to keep it interesting. I hope you find something that brings balance to your week.<br />
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Sunada is one of the regular contributors at the Buddhist meditation blog <a href="http://www.wildmind.org/">Wildmind</a>. If you follow my Twitter feed, or my Facebook page, you know that I'm a strong proponent of the benefits of meditation. This post does a nice job of walking through how the paradoxical nature of meditation can be <a href="http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/meditating-on-anxiety">useful for someone facing anxiety</a>. <br />
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I know that I included a post from <a href="http://www.nourishing-the-soul.com/">Nourishing the Soul</a> last week too, but since Ashley keeps writing good stuff, I'm going to keep sharing it. In this post, she invites each of us to take a moment, assess what we are keeping secret, and <a href="http://www.nourishing-the-soul.com/2011/06/as-sick-as-our-secrets">actively share it with someone that we trust</a>. I'll let you read more about the reasons in her post, but I love this suggestion.<br />
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Hanne Blank's blog, <a href="http://www.hanneblank.com/blog/">Filling a Much-Needed Void</a>, was a new discovery for me this week, and what a find! I was blown away by this <a href="http://www.hanneblank.com/blog/2011/06/23/real-women/">powerful, loving, body-positive post</a>. I think sometimes we need the reminder that all bodies are "real." <br />
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I have written before about the fact that one of the most valuable things we can do for one another is to allow a full range of emotions. Because of that, I was excited to find this thoughtful piece from Martin Young at the <a href="http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/">KevinMD</a> blog. In it, Mr. Young explores the possibility that asking those facing serious illness to "just think positive" is not only not helpful, it is not <a href="http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/06/positive-thinking-affects-patients-illnesses.html">respecting their experience.</a> I just had to share this one--let's promote & support anything that increases respect.<br />
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One of my newer blog finds has been Dr. Snit's <a href="http://drsnitwithlupus.blogspot.com/">Living with Lupus--But Dying of Everything Else</a>. Her lovely article about being "enough" was a MWB feature last month. This week, I have the delightful dilemma of two wonderful posts in this blog that I wanted to share. So, because I want my readers to get the best of what's out there, I'm sharing them both. This beautiful post about <a href="http://drsnitwithlupus.blogspot.com/2011/06/scars-are-beautiful-until-they-are-my.html">loving our scars</a> is an invitation to accept our imperfections as part of our beauty. In addition, as a grief worker, I had to share this post about how <a href="http://drsnitwithlupus.blogspot.com/2011/06/all-life-is-loss.html">loss is a part of life</a>.<br />
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I know that this is quite the mixed bag of resources, and I hope that means that you find something that is exactly what you need.<br />
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</script>Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-70091026797730678362011-06-24T16:49:00.000-05:002011-06-24T16:49:07.931-05:00What's the Face of Mental Illness? Maybe it's Yours...or Mine<a class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte" href="http://twitter.com/share">Tweet</a><br />
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The functional face of mental illness has gotten some big-name press recently, from Catherine Zeta-Jones' decision to <a href="http://healthland.time.com/2011/04/13/catherine-zeta-jones-seeks-treatment-for-bipolar-ii-disorder/">publicly address her bipolar disorder</a>, to <a href="http://behavioraltech.org/index.cfm?CFID=45958079&CFTOKEN=31569525">Dr. Marsha Linehan's</a> interview about her own <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/health/23lives.html?_r=1&src=tptw">mental health struggles</a>. (For those readers who aren't the psychology nerds that I am, Dr. Linehan pioneered <a href="http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm">dialectical behavior therapy</a>, which is one of the systems that inspires the work I do with my clients.) I want to take some time today to look at what it means when people who seem to have their lives together, or in the case of Dr. Linehan and Ms. Zeta-Jones--to be pretty spectacularly successful, allow the issue of mental illness to become part of their conversation. <br />
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Unfortunately, most of the public discussion about mental illness seems either designed to poke fun (think about how people responded to Charlie Sheen's super-public meltdown), or to highlight stereotypes and stigma (how often have you heard depression or anxiety brushed off as being "in your head?"). Those experiencing mental health struggles are portrayed as "crazy" or "weak." This means that mental health can be dismissed as a serious and significant part of whole person health. Mental health treatment can be relegated to a second-class tier by health insurers, other medical providers, employers, schools, etc. Individuals and families coping with mental illness often face discrimination and isolation, which can exacerbate mental health concerns.<br />
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So, when individuals like Dr. Linehan and Catherine Zeta-Jones speak up, the whole system is challenged. Neither one of these women is someone that would be described as "crazy" or "weak" by those around them, or by the many strangers who know their work. In fact, in their respective fields, both of them are highly regarded, accomplished professionals. They have risen to the top of competitive fields, and are recognized for their work and their impact. In fact, they appear to be the opposite of what people expect when they hear "mental illness."<br />
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I am so excited when this happens. Because, by their example, Ms Zeta-Jones & Dr. Linehan are proving that individuals who cope with mental illness are totally capable of living high-functioning, high-achieving lives. They challenge the stereotypes. They remind us that stereotypes are nearly always uni-dimensional and limiting. In a country where we are closing mental health facilities and building prisons, maybe these examples will help guide us to a deeper, more nuanced look at who is affected by mental illness and what that means in all of our lives.<br />
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If you read my post from last Monday, you know that I am <a href="http://healthybalancedlifekc.blogspot.com/2011/06/from-therapists-chair-seeing.html">inspired by the courage</a> I see in my clients as they cope with their struggles with grace and dignity. When I read stories about Dr. Linehan and Catherine Zeta-Jones, I hope that my clients are reading the same stories. I hope that they are hearing that coping with a mental illness does not mean a life in the margins. I hope they are realizing that having dark periods is not a life sentence of darkness. I hope that they are inspired to share their own stories with important people in their lives, so that the stigma continues to lift. Mostly, I hope that we are all inspired to recognize that any one of us could face mental illness if the circumstances are right--and as we recognize that, maybe we'll do a better job of lifting one another up.<br />
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How do you feel as you hear these stories? Are you inspired? <br />
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Hey all, it's been a nutty week, but I still found some good stuff for you. I hope it touches you or lifts you up!<br />
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Let's start with this fantastic reminder from Ashley of <a href="http://www.nourishing-the-soul.com/">Nourishing the Soul</a> that exercise should bring benefits to our bodies and minds. When we try to <a href="http://www.nourishing-the-soul.com/2011/06/exercise-and-weight-los">make it all about losing weight</a>, we lose our perspective.<br />
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Anna Guest-Jolly's <a href="http://www.curvyyoga.com/">Curvy Yoga</a> is one of my favorite body-positive blogs. This week, Anna's story of a fierce, courageous <a href="http://www.curvyyoga.com/body-positivity/what-i-learned-from-a-sixth-grade-yogi/">sixth-grade yogi</a> highlights the potential that exists when we don't restrict our ideas of what our bodies can do. <br />
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If you read <a href="http://rosiemolinary.com/">Rosie Molinary's</a> guest post <a href="http://healthybalancedlifekc.blogspot.com/2011/04/beautiful-you-guest-post-by-rosie.html">here</a>, you may have gotten the idea that this is a woman who has lots of great tools. You'd be right in that, as she proves in this post where she invites readers to explore their own "<a href="http://rosiemolinary.com/2011/06/19/the-wheel-of-life">Wheel of Life</a>."<br />
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This post from Leo at <a href="http://zenhabits.net/">Zen Habits</a> really hit home for me this week. It's a reminder that we are all immersed in <a href="http://zenhabits.net/chaos/">chaos</a>, and that doesn't have to be a bad thing!<br />
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Elisha Goldstein's <a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/">Mindfulness & Psychotherapy</a> blog is another go-to read for me, and he didn't disappoint this week. I hope you enjoy this invitation to combine <a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2011/06/play-now-how-to-bring-mindfulness-into-your-life/">mindfulness and play</a>.<br />
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I'm so grateful for the inspiration and the challenge brought by these folks this week. Was there something you'd love to share?<br />
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</script>Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-17405678931470722482011-06-20T18:12:00.001-05:002011-06-20T18:15:29.405-05:00From the Therapist's Chair: Seeing Extraordinary Bravery<a class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte" href="http://twitter.com/share">Tweet</a><br />
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Last October, Ashley of <a href="http://http//www.nourishing-the-soul.com/">Nourishing the Soul</a> kicked off an empowering blog series – <a href="http://www.nourishing-the-soul.com/2010/10/self-discovery-word-by-word/">Self Discovery Word by Word</a> (SDWW) . The series was created to encourage the blogging community to focus on one word a month in an effort to engage in self-discovery and self-reflection. You may remember my first foray into SDWW from my post on <a href="http://healthybalancedlifekc.blogspot.com/2011/04/change-loving-and-hating-it.html">change</a> in April. This month, Dr. Dana Udall-Weiner of <a href="http://bodyandbrood.com/2011/06/03/ordinary-bravery-self-discovery-word-by-word/">The Body and the Brood</a> is hosting the Word by Word series, and she has chosen the word "Bravery" as the focus of June's posts. After reading a few of the posts already in the series (like <a href="http://www.medicinalmarzipan.com/2011/06/14/feeling-small-learning-brave/">this one from Mara of Medicinal Marzipan</a>, or <a href="http://www.voiceinrecovery.com/blog/2011/06/15/i-never-thought-i-was-brave/">this one from Kendra of Voice in Recovery</a>), I knew exactly the post I wanted to write for the idea of "bravery." And this one is dedicated to my clients.<br />
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As a psychologist, I am privileged to sit, for an hour or so at a time, with the bravest people I know. My clients are brave for so many reasons. <br />
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My clients are brave because they have faced intense, heart-rending pain--and they did not give up.<br />
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My clients are brave because they started life without much support or teaching--and they kept trying.<br />
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My clients are brave because they had all kinds of support--and they recognized when they were overwhelmed, and were proactive about getting support.<br />
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My clients are brave because they are convinced that no one cares about them--and they keep trying to learn new thoughts.<br />
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My clients are brave because depression makes daily life feel incredibly hard--and they keep showing up.<br />
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My clients are brave because it is overwhelming to admit that your physical illness has an emotional cost--and they tell their stories anyway.<br />
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My clients are brave because being part of a marginalized group is draining--and they continue to achieve.<br />
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My clients are brave because it is humbling to pick up the phone and admit to a stranger that your life is out of control--and they did it anyway.<br />
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My clients are brave because sometimes when your heart is broken, and your strength is tapped, giving up feels easier--and they are here and working.<br />
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My clients are brave because maintaining the status quo feels easier, even when the status quo is broken--and they are choosing to seek change. <br />
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I have had me ask how I can "just sit there and hear sad things all day." What the folks who ask that question don't know is that I'm not just hearing sad things. Of course we deal with the sad things--I've covered in other posts that <a href="http://healthybalancedlifekc.blogspot.com/2011/02/what-makes-therapy-different.html">we all need a safe space for our pain</a>.<br />
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But what I am doing all day is experiencing the privilege of caring for and working with the bravest people I know. The moment of recognizing that you can take responsibility for your own experience and begin to create change, even in the midst of pain--that's pure bravery. My clients exhibit bravery all the time--even when they don't know it. And as a psychologist, I get to stand witness to their courage and participate in their journey. I'm grateful for that--all the time.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcjpdHQIhE9fnZqs-R9xLPHGS6kLufkWDyJCbiL0oHM2yyY2SkcXwJfodteMUTCSA-fXEF8X10OTSBJJOqIhr955kaqFDrEWkSdSxbs8ocGuwKI_YAvG1WN5XMXpCiWXvuShTDozHzOZ0/s1600/WordbyWordImage.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcjpdHQIhE9fnZqs-R9xLPHGS6kLufkWDyJCbiL0oHM2yyY2SkcXwJfodteMUTCSA-fXEF8X10OTSBJJOqIhr955kaqFDrEWkSdSxbs8ocGuwKI_YAvG1WN5XMXpCiWXvuShTDozHzOZ0/s320/WordbyWordImage.png" width="166" /></a></div>Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-58091749291325598982011-06-15T16:55:00.000-05:002011-06-15T16:55:53.454-05:00Mid-Week Balance: 15 June 2011<a class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte" href="http://twitter.com/share">Tweet</a><br />
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So here's the funny thing, when I added the MWB round-ups to my blog, I was pretty nervous. I was nervous about adding another writing commitment to the week (when I started the blog last year, my original goal was one post a month, and even that was pretty hit and miss). I was nervous about finding enough content to make the extra post worth people's time. Now I'm two months in, and I can't believe I was nervous about those pieces. My problem isn't finding enough good content, it's keeping the articles that I choose to a manageable number! Here's some of the good stuff that's out there this week. Enjoy.<br />
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I want to start with a new-to-me blog discovery: <a href="http://drsnitwithlupus.blogspot.com/">Living With Lupus, But Dying of Everything Else</a>, by the articulate & passionate Dr. Snit. This blog was another reason I'm grateful to Twitter--I've been led to so much good content there! Her compassionate exploration of why <a href="http://drsnitwithlupus.blogspot.com/2011/06/we-are-good-enough.html">we are good enough</a> just as we are was one of my favorite reads of the week. I hope that you get as much from it as I did.<br />
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Ashley Solomon's <a href="http://www.nourishing-the-soul.com/">Nourishing the Soul </a>was one of the inspirations for MWB, and this week I couldn't pick just one of her posts. As a psychologist, I can't resist sharing Ashley's exploration of the <a href="http://www.nourishing-the-soul.com/2011/06/role-of-insight-in-therapy">role of insight in therapy</a>. In addition, I think that she does a great job of taking on an important topic with her post on the "<a href="http://www.nourishing-the-soul.com/2011/05/shame-in-war-on-obesit">shame game</a>," in which she looks at the negative impact of fat shaming on our overall health.<br />
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<a href="http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/">Jonathan Fields</a> has appeared in MWB before. In addition to being a powerful writer, Jonathan has some pretty insightful things to say about the human experience in business and entrepreneurship. This week's post about grounding ourselves in a "<a href="http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/everything-else-is-icing">heart-centered place</a>" felt like it cut to the core of that experience.<br />
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It is not unusual for me to sit with someone who feels "run-over" by life, by the daily challenges, large & small that we all face. I know that when I am in that darker space, one of the ways that I both cope and damage my coping is by procrastinating--big tasks, small tasks, you name it. This piece from Dr. Pauline Wallin at the APA's <a href="http://www.yourmindyourbody.org/">Your Mind Your Body</a> blog takes a kind look at <a href="http://www.yourmindyourbody.org/procrastination-why-you-do-it-and-how-to-stop/">why we procrastinate and how to change</a>.<br />
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One of the themes that I seek out in my reading is understanding our relationship with our thinking mind. Tara Mohr engages that topic regularly in her <a href="http://taramohr.com/">Wise Living</a> blog. This post encourages us to increase our awareness of how <a href="http://taramohr.com/2011/06/who-is-king">our minds can take over</a> with unhelpful patterns--and provides some suggestions about how to change that.<br />
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And to round out this trio of articles on how we can increase our sense of presence and power in our current moments, I have another post by <a href="http://rosiemolinary.com/">Rosie Molinary</a>. She shares a <a href="http://rosiemolinary.com/2011/06/14/what-do-you-need-right-now-more-than-anything-else">simple writing exercise</a> that can be used to increase mindfulness and lead to changes in our daily lives, by asking what we need--right now.<br />
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Did I miss your favorite article of the week? Let me know, so I can share!<br />
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</script>Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-71372031302859667492011-06-10T18:18:00.003-05:002011-06-10T18:23:56.126-05:00Who Says?--Examining Why "Just Loving Ourselves" Feels So Hard<a class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte" href="http://twitter.com/share">Tweet</a><script src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" type="text/javascript">
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I am not a big pop radio listener. In fact, most of the time my radio is either playing NPR (have I mentioned before that I'm kind of a geek?), or my iTunes playlist. So, I tend to be pretty clueless about current popular music. But it's summertime. That means I'm at the pool quite a bit, so I'm stuck with whatever music choices the pool staff makes. And since the pool staff tends to be high school and college folks, the pool speakers tend to play a lot of pop radio. That's how I came to hear the song "Who Says." The lyrics caught my attention--they seemed to convey so much of what I want my clients to be able to say to themselves:<br />
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"You've got every right<br />
To a beautiful life.<br />
Come on!<br />
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Who says?<br />
Who says you're not perfect?<br />
Who says you're not worth it?<br />
Who says you're the only one that's hurting?<br />
Trust me,<br />
That's the price of beauty.<br />
Who says you're not pretty?<br />
Who says you're not beautiful?<br />
Who says?<br />
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Who says you're not star potential?<br />
Who says you're not presidential?<br />
Who says you can't be in movies?<br />
Listen to me, listen to me.<br />
Who says you don't past the test?<br />
Who says you can't be the best?<br />
Who said?<br />
Who said?<br />
Would you tell me who said that?<br />
Yeah~<br />
Who said?"<br />
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These lyrics felt right on point for me. It's so important to question the limiting, self-critical beliefs that we hold. Asking "who said" and challenging the validity of negative, hurtful messages is an important skill for building and maintaining our self-esteem. As I heard the song over and over, I could feel a blog post beginning--one that questions and challenges what we do when the answer to, "Who says?" is, "Me." I wanted to explore the voice inside of us that tears down our value, our talent, our unique contributions. That <i>was</i> the original direction for this post.<br />
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But then I went to do a lyric search. When I performed the lyric search, I found out that the song is sung by Selena Gomez. For those of you who don't know Selena Gomez, she is a Disney star, in the same vein as Miley Cyrus. She stars in a Disney series and has a complementary music career.<br />
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And that's where things got complicated for me. Because the song lyrics do a lovely job of challenging the (sometimes crippling) self-doubt that many of us face. The music video even follows through with that message, as Selena sheds the "fancy" trappings at the beginning of the video to emerge in a casual "make-up free" finale.<br />
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So why does this feel complicated? The words are powerful. The images back up the words. But this song and this video are only part of the Selena Gomez package. The character that she plays in her series is vapid, appearance-obsessed, and often pretty selfish. Her brother is the one who cares about learning and provides the moral voice in the show. This is pretty standard Disney fare. And it is all part of a powerful marketing machine that tells girls from a young age that their appearance (and their consumption of the Disney brand) is what will make them happy. For a great analysis of the impact of Disney's marketing on girls and young women, check out Peggy Orenstein's powerful book "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cinderella-Ate-Daughter-Dispatches-Girlie-Girl/dp/0061711527">Cinderella Ate My Daughter</a>." But this isn't a post about Disney, or a post about parenting. (If you want some good resources, check out: <a href="http://peggyorenstein.com/blog.html">Peggy Orenstein's blog</a>, <a href="http://blog.pigtailpals.com/">Pigtail Pals</a>, or <a href="http://www.shapingyouth.org/">Shaping Youth</a>--to name a few.)<br />
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This is a post about the constant barrage of mixed messages that we receive from childhood on about how we are supposed to relate to ourselves. Here's this song with self-loving lyrics, and a video that seems to celebrate accepting yourself as you are instead of putting on a facade. But that song & video are performed by an actress who is one of the faces of a company that has historically done a pretty crummy job of truly celebrating and honoring female characters. Which message is real? Are we perfect or do we need all the right products? And why should those of us who are old enough to be out of Disney's target demographic care if the messages are mixed?<br />
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Here's why. As I have gone through the process of researching and writing this post, I have felt a range of emotions. When I heard the song, I was initially excited about the positive message. When I realized that it was part of the Disney machine, I was disappointed. I almost scrubbed the whole post. Then I challenged myself to watch the video, to make an informed decision. And what I realized was that my experiences with this post were a microcosm of what we all face when we try to engage with ourselves in a loving way.<br />
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We are constantly coping with mixed messages. We're told that "we're perfect." We're told that "maybe she's born with it--maybe it's Maybelline"--or that we're not perfect unless we have the products that make us look perfect. We're told that our voices are powerful. We're told that we shouldn't speak up if it makes others uncomfortable.<br />
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As psychologists, we regularly expect ourselves--and our clients--to work towards self-acceptance or self-compassion. If we have that expectation, but we don't acknowledge the culture of mixed messages that we live in, we're asking a nearly impossible feat.<br />
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It is common for clients to express frustration that it is so hard for them to engage in compassionate ways with themselves. What I have seen is that most of my clients are pretty surprised when I point out the mixed messages they are surrounded by, and gently ask if they might be influenced by those mixed messages. This is an instance where it is important for us to place ourselves, and our clients, in the context of our culture. We're bombarded with these paradoxical messages. You're perfect--or you will be if you buy <i>this</i>. It simply makes sense that we would internalize that struggle. <br />
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The experience of creating this post was a powerful reminder for me. Yes, it is incredibly important to nurture and develop our skills of self-love and self-compassion. Yes, we can care for ourselves no matter how others have treated us. Yes, we do deserve love in the face of our shortcomings and failures. All of these things are true. But all of us are exposed to these truths in a culture that affirms with one sentence and diminishes with the next. We are inundated with a culture that believes in undermining self-compassion to motivate you to purchase a "fix."<br />
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It is unfair and unrealistic to advocate self-compassion without acknowledging that we're surrounded by contradicting messages. Sometimes, as in the case of Selena Gomez and "Who Says," those contradicting messages are wrapped up in one package. No wonder so many of us feel confounded by the idea of "just love yourself."<br />
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So, for just one moment, I hope that you can pause. Acknowledge that you're bombarded by mixed messages. Give yourself permission to get a bit confused by those mixed messages. And then offer yourself a moment of compassion, of recognition that <u>you are</u> perfect, beautiful, and worth it--right now, without changing or buying a thing.<br />
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What do you think?Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-61028856652725328332011-06-08T19:12:00.000-05:002011-06-08T19:12:03.001-05:00Mid-Week Balance: 8 June 2011<a href="http://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br />
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This week has been hit and miss for me with my time online (my RSS reader has reached scary numbers), but even with some sketchy reading time, I found some great stuff to share. I hope you enjoy them.<br />
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I always find something that challenges my thinking when I spend time at the <a href="http://zenhabits.net/">Zen Habits</a> blog. This week was no different. I talk with clients regularly about the fact that many of the things we experience in life are out of our control. This post about the <a href="http://zenhabits.net/control/">illusion of control</a> really nailed that concept.<br />
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At PsychCentral's <a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/">Mindfulness & Psychotherapy</a> blog, Elisha Goldstein does a consistently good job of reviewing mindfulness resources and providing thoughtful reflections. This post on "<a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2011/06/feeling-vulnerable-a-mindful-strategy-to-relax-the-enemies-within/">making peace with the enemies within</a>" does a nice job of reminding us how vulnerable we our to our own negative or critical thoughts. Dr. Goldstein also provides some helpful re-framing suggestions. <br />
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One of my other favorite blogs at PsychCentral is Christy Matta's <a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/dbt/">Dialectical Behavior Therapy Understood</a>. Christy dives into many topics from a DBT perspective and provides some helpful insights. I have explored the challenges that many of us face in <a href="http://healthybalancedlifekc.blogspot.com/2011/02/self-care-101-challenging-selfish.html">owning our own self-care</a>, so I really appreciated this post exploring how to embrace <a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/dbt/2011/06/how-to-think-assertively/">assertive thinking</a>.<br />
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<a href="http://www.wildmind.org/">Wildmind's</a> Buddhist meditation blog is another regular in the MWB round-up's because they have such a diverse staff of contributing writers. This means they provide a lovely depth of perspective about the impact of Buddhist thought and meditation on many aspects of daily living. This post from <a href="http://mindfulworkshops.com/">Saddhamala</a> is a thoughtful list of <a href="http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/10-ways-to-live-a-better-life">ten ways to slow down and live a better life</a>.<br />
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And finally, because I can't resist good therapy-related resources, I have a piece from Julie at <a href="http://www.beautifulyoubyjulie.com/">Beautiful You</a>. If you haven't checked out Beautiful You yet, make this post your reason to stop by (and maybe check out the great resources she has there. This article is an invitation to <a href="http://www.beautifulyoubyjulie.com/2011/05/making-the-most-of-your-counselling-relationship/">make the most of your therapy relationship</a>--with the most important takeaway being to listen to your instincts. <br />
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As always, I hope that this collection brings you something you need as you move through the week. If you have a great resource I missed (yes, including things that *you* wrote), please share it with all of us in the comments.Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2962613922873345048.post-21748095070227527522011-06-03T15:39:00.001-05:002011-06-03T15:41:11.453-05:00"The Butter Battle Book:" What Dr. Suess Has to Say about Conflict<a href="http://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-via="DrBeckerSchutte">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a3/The_Butter_Battle_Book_cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="475" width="344" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a3/The_Butter_Battle_Book_cover.jpg" /></a></div>Source: Wikipedia<br />
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As I mentioned in an <a href="http://healthybalancedlifekc.blogspot.com/2011/03/self-care-101-and-thidwick-bighearted.html">earlier post</a>, I have a reader's crush on the incomparable Dr. Suess. My Suess collection started in high school and has grown throughout my life. I even have the obscure books about his history and artwork. Over time, I have realized that what pulls me back to Dr. Suess, even more than his fantastical creatures and tongue-tripping rhymes, is the vast amount of psychological wisdom packed into those children's books.<br />
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Published in 1984, "<i>The Butter Battle Book</i>" was Dr. Suess's response to the idea of "mutually assured destruction" inherent in the nuclear arms race. The book explores two cultures, the Nooks and the Zooks, and begins with the narrator (a Nook) being taken with his grandfather to the Wall, and being told: <br />
"It's high time you knew<br />
of the terribly horrible thing that Zooks do.<br />
In every Zook house and in every Zook town <br />
<i>every Zook eats his bread <br />
with the butter side down</i>!"<br />
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The narrator's grandfather then shares the history of the Nooks and the Zooks, from a time when the Wall was quite small. He explores the first act of hostility, and the way that act prompted a more aggressive response. He walks us through the fancier uniforms, bigger bands, more destructive weapons, and more "my way or the highway" thinking. As the book continues, Dr. Suess highlights how we get rigidly attached to our own ideas of right and wrong. He demonstrates how quickly tension and anger can escalate. <br />
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The book ends with both the Nooks and the Zooks having developed a "Big-Boy Boomeroo"--a weapon capable of incredible destruction. As the Nook and the Zook face off on the Wall, the grandson looks on:<br />
" 'Grandpa!' I shouted. 'Be careful! Oh gee!<br />
Who's going to drop it?<br />
Will <i>you</i> . . . ? Or will <i>he<i></i></i> . . . ?'<br />
'Be patient,' said Grandpa. 'We'll see.<br />
We will see . . .' "<br />
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I know that Dr. Suess wrote this book as a parable about the dangers of nuclear arms races, but as I read it, I am struck by how "The Butter Battle Book" carries messages for us to consider in all areas of conflict. Hang in there with me, I can understand if you are wondering how I can compare nuclear war to fights over the dishes. Here's how. At the heart of this story is the idea that each of us deeply believes that the way we choose to do things--whether those things are eating buttered bread, putting laundry in the hamper, showing love, disciplining children, or communicating--the way <i>we</i> choose to do things is the <b>right</b> way.<br />
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Let's follow that idea out a bit. If the way that you choose to do something is the right way (butter-side up), then doing it differently (butter-side down) is wrong. If you are a butter-side up person in relationship with someone who chooses butter-side down, then one of you is wrong. Take a moment and pause as you read this. Can you come up with at least one area in your life where you have a passionate conviction that your choices are "right?" Most of us can, if we're being honest. Here's the next step. Can you think of a time when your conviction about being right led to a conflict (argument, fight, silent treatment--whatever language you use to describe that experience)? Let's take it one step more. If you can think of an experience where you were in conflict, can you remember the conflict escalating because neither person was able to step away from her/his own perspective?<br />
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I think that the principle Dr. Suess is illustrating is that when we become locked in to a single perspective, we are not only risking conflict, but we are risking conflict that escalates into painful territory. And with a history of escalated conflicts, we can find ourselves holding emotional "Big-Boy Boomeroos" over one another's heads. <br />
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So, here's my challenge to you this week. Take a few moments and reflect on whether or not you have accumulated some "butter-side" conflict triggers. If so, what are your best strategies for defusing them? I'll be working on some defusing strategies of my own for a future post. In the meantime, I look forward to hearing your ideas.Ann Becker-Schutte, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08811791856947238859noreply@blogger.com